


91 Days

by cyberzyu



Category: Byun Baekhyun - Fandom, EXO (Band), Korean Pop, Kpop - Fandom, Park Chanyeol - Fandom
Genre: Adultery, Alcohol, Angst, Bottom Byun Baekhyun, Cheating, Cigarettes, Depression, Drama, Drama & Romance, Heavy Angst, M/M, References to Depression, Smut, Some Humor, Swearing, Top Park Chanyeol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 08:57:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14690742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyberzyu/pseuds/cyberzyu
Summary: "91 days." he speaks with a voice laced with defeat. "What?" replied his significant other, confusion overcoming his expression."You have 91 days to prove to me you genuinely love me still. Or I file for divorce."





	1. Introduction

Baekhyun and Chanyeol have been married for 4 years now. Since their wedding day they have been nothing but head overheels for one another. Until a series of manic depression and anxiety overtook Baekhyun's life for the past few months. Causing him to shut out his significant other in fear and overwork himself day and night to avoid his crippling depression. Leading their marriage to slowly spiral downhill. On their anniversary, Baekhyun thought maybe things would get better. Until, a series of counts hidden mistakes are revealed and causes a new series of problems unlocked for the couple. Can they overcome them and become stronger? Or will they let their past mistakes get the best of them and go their separate ways?

91 Days is also available on [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/story/145007200-91-days-chanbaek) and [AsianFanFics](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1337746/91-days-angst-kpop-depression-exo-marriage-adultery-anxiety-baekyeol-chanbaek-exoangst-chanbaekangst-chanbaekmarriage)

Things I'd like to mention before you continue reading:

\- Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama, Slight Humor

\- Rating: M

\- Warnings: Adultery (Cheating), Depression, Anxiety, Mentions of depressing thoughts, Usage of cigarettes (and possible alcohol), swearing, graphic sex scenes.

Do not continue if any of these warning will mildly upset/trigger you.

Contacts: @/kpussiess on instagram. DM me there.

Disclaimer: These celebrities/characters mentioned in this story are borrowed and are not owned by me unless stated otherwise. No harm is intended towards these celebrities in any way, shape, or form. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

Copyright © 2018 cyberzyu/kpussiess

All Rights Reserved.

This material may not be copied, reproduced, displayed, modified or distributed without the express prior written permission of the copyright holder. For permission, please message me.

 

enjoy!


	2. distant memories and broad proclamations

 chapter also available on[ Wattpad ](https://www.wattpad.com/story/145007200-91-days-chanbaek)and [AsianFanFics](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1337746/91-days-angst-kpop-depression-exo-marriage-adultery-anxiety-baekyeol-chanbaek-exoangst-chanbaekangst-chanbaekmarriage)

 

 June 9th 2018.

Everything seemed like a distant memory. That day itself felt far away from Baekhyun's reach though it was only a mere four years ago.

Four years ago, June 9th 2014 was the day Byun Baekhyun gave up his life, his freedom, and his last name to the person he thought who deserved it most, Park Chanyeol.

If you asked him a few months ago, he could exactly pin-point every little detail of that day. From the sweet smells that filled the air of the lilacs that surrounded them as they walked down the aisle to the feeling of the rough fabric from his white suit against his skin. Now, it all seemed foggy and vague in his mind.

He took another last, long drag of his cigarette before smashing the withering away tip on the wall in front of him. Smoking, disgusting right? It was a nasty habit he picked up these past few months. A habit he used to despise among others. A habit in which his husband scrunches up his nose once he smells the remaining smell of old cigarettes on his clothing. He knew it was disgusting. He knew it was off-putting. He knew he didn't even look like the type of person to smoke. Maybe that's exactly why he picked up the nasty little habit. He just knew it made him feel better sometimes.

If you're wondering why the hell is Park Baekhyun is spending his time working in his boring ass office job, taking a long overdue smoking break on the side wall of the gas station next to his work building on his fucking four-year anniversary. A time where he should be spending his time with the one he loves. A time where his day should be filled with nothing but love and compassion. He can't give you the answer to that.

Because Baekhyun himself, can't even say why.

Baekhyun just knows when he goes home at night and lays down in bed he can feel the overwhelming sensation of dread and fears devour him. No matter how much he tosses and turns he cannot shake these feelings away from his body. These feelings that consume him in his most vulnerable moments. This has been going on for many months. Every single night. No amount of soft crying or cuddling from his overbearing giant of a husband can help him.

This caused Baekhyun to want to avoid sleeping. This caused Baekhyun to ask his boss to double his schedule during the week so at least he can stay those many hours where depression will wait to devour him in the comforts of his home, the comforts of his bed in a lit-up office and the sounds of his keyboard clicking to drown out any voices in his head. That will say he's not good enough. He's nothing in this world. That if he died tomorrow, no one would even bat an eyelash at the news. Hey, at least now he was making money, right?

You're probably wondering what could have started this endless wave of dread and regret. Baekhyun lost his job a few months ago. A job he was at for a while and got paid enough to have a semi-comfortable life. He was laid off by his boss and it took him so long to finally find another job like the one he has now. Rejection after rejection. He felt terrible when he leaned over to peck his husband on the cheek in the morning and whisper in his ear that he was heading for work when all he was going to is establishment after establishment for job applications all day long.

Thankfully he had enough saved up in the bank to pay their rent for a few months and any other bills. But that money would only last for a restricted amount of time. The fear of his husband finding out ate away at him day after day. The scenario would always play in his head on how he thinks Chanyeol would react to the news, how angry he would get, how stressed he would become. It didn't help already that even after four years into marriage they lived in a small apartment that contained nothing but a living room, a small kitchen, one bathroom, and a bedroom they shared.

As time went on, Baekhyun who still at the time struggled with finding a steady job and his savings account draining more and more every time a new bill would come in, he noticed Chanyeol getting stressed.

Chanyeol had a job as well of course, but it didn't make much money. They lived paycheck by paycheck and every time Chanyeol's paycheck would get cut back, the more his loving husband would get frustrated. It even got to the point where one-night Chanyeol cried and clung to Baekhyun while doing so, mumbling to his husband how he was to blame for some of their bills not getting fully paid, that only if he didn't take on a stupid job that demanded so much but gave so little they wouldn't be in that situation. Baekhyun felt his heart break in that very moment. Because deep down he knew it wasn't his husband's fault whatsoever. It was his. His fault for losing his job. His fault for not working hard enough to find a new one.

Yet, he was too much of a coward to speak up and tell the truth to his husband. To this day, Chanyeol still doesn't know this.

Luckily not too long after this incident Baekhyun finally scored a position at the place he works at now. But weeks in to the job, he noticed none of his previous feelings were going away and only devouring him more. This is where it started. His anxieties. His fears. His depression. It went nothing but downhill from that point.

Lately, instead his gloomy depression that was used to hiding in the shadows of the night now has decided to attack him in broad daylight in the most sudden times of his day. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to escape it or properly cope with these feelings inside of him. So, he tries to deal with it the only way he knows how, by avoiding it. By working himself to avoid his crippling depression taking a hold of him. He works as much as he can, he occupies his mind as much as he can by running his hands along Chanyeol's chest any moment he is actually home and placing himself gracefully on his husbands' lap.

But there's only so much work and forced sex with your husband can do for you. There's only so much it can block out.

He wonders just when he'll reach that breaking point.

Flicking the orange end of the used cigarette on the ground beneath him, he pulled out his phone. Pressing the call button under a familiar contact, he placed the speaker against his ear.

"Hey, Kyungsoo-ah." He spoke to his long-time friend.

"Did you get everything set up? He didn't come home, yet right?" He questioned him. "Of course not. You know I'm more careful than that." Kyungsoo bragged on the other end of the line. "But yeah, everything is set up for your anniversary dinner."

Despite Baekhyun's unhealthy habits and inner demons. He knew he'd regret it if he didn't celebrate four years with Chanyeol one way or another. Anniversaries are important even if your depression is devouring you alive as you speak and your marriage is straining at the moment, they deserve to be celebrated.

"Great. I really hope he likes it." Baekhyun comments back. Kyungsoo was a known chef in their city and of course Baekhyun had to take advantage of having a five-star chef for a friend.

"When did you leave?" The smaller questioned his friend as he turned around, leaning his back against the concrete wall. "Around thirty minute ago. If you make it home in good timing, you should be there in enough time to re-heat anything if needed and set up your apartment."

Baekhyun nodded, "Thanks. You're a really big help, Kyungsoo-ah." He thanked his friend, without him Baekhyun would have probably done a shitty job at trying to celebrate this big day.

He glanced down at the time and mumbled a small curse word under his breath. "Hey, I got to go back to work now. Kind of need to get everything done to try to leave early. I'll talk to you later okay?"

They quickly said their goodbyes and Baekhyun's finger pressed against the 'end call' button. Baekhyun was actually making an effort for today and he hope it didn't go unnoticed.

He knew it seemed like he didn't love the giant or didn't care to spend time with him when that wasn't the case what so ever.

He loves Chanyeol with every fiber of his being. He doesn't regret marrying him. He doesn't regret anything at all. In fact, up until this point the two had been doing very well. Until, he let his depression run his life instead. Now, he doesn't know how this marriage will be. The late-night working, the lonely dinners, and the hollow mumbles of I love you's that seemed to have lost its touch.

Will it fall apart or stay the same? Are they strong enough to remain unbothered by this sudden change?

Or has it already started to crumble, and he hasn't even taken notice.

 

 

 

 

 

Time passed on and Baekhyun wrapped up his work for today an hour later. He thanked his fingers for their immense fast typing skills. Arriving back to their apartment he threw down his bag and immediately began to set up. Glancing at the time, he knew Chanyeol would be home soon. He re-heated anything needed to be and set up a cheesy yet romantic scenery on their table. Not failing to add the fair number of candles and rose petals to decorate the table. Honestly, the sight of it made Baekhyun gag it was so cliché yet he knew that Chanyeol would absolutely love it.

_And to him that's all that mattered._

Lighting up the last candle on the table, his hand gripped tightly around the red lighter as he finally got the wick to light. He placed it down the same time he heard the jiggling of keys on the other side of their front door. Baekhyun took a deep breath, running his hands down his chest to fix his dress shirt and tie. He doesn't know why he felt nervous and in a splur of last minute idea, he decided to hide behind the island table that separated their living room and kitchen. And before he realized what a _terrible_ idea that was, the front door already swung open. No going back now.

Baekhyun bit down on his bottom lip, 'Am I really just going to jump out and say Happy Anniversary? Like a cringe-worthy idiot?' He questioned himself, 'You damn right I am.' He took a deep breath, "Happy A-"He went to yell out and pop up but a voice cut him off, making him stay lowered down for a moment. "Chanyeol-ah did you set this up for me?" It was a high-pitched voice, one Baekhyun has never heard before. "Ah No I-"Chanyeol went to speak, Baekhyun could feel the nervousness in his voice. But the high-pitched voice cut his husband off, "You're so sweet. I didn't think you cared about monthly anniversaries." 'He doesn't- 'Baekhyun bitterly said in his head. He felt his body burn yet everything still felt frozen, he felt like he couldn't move.

"But the fact you remembered it's our _four month_ anniversary is so adorable!"

**Pang**.

Baekhyun felt a strong pain develop in his chest. It was worst than the panic attacks his depression induced. It was worst the when he accidentally burned the tip of his finger earlier trying to light those god-awful candles. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to even say. He just knew that he felt tears he couldn't hold back any longer building up in his eyes. He was angry, upset, and all together betrayed. He finally built the courage to slowly stand up. "Happy fucking _four year_ anniversary, Chanyeol." He bitterly spoke. emphasizing on the year part.

The sight he endured was even more painful.

A shorter girl who was clinging to his husband's arm, her loving expression falling from her face as she caught a glimpse of Baekhyun. "Chanyeol who is..." She spoke in a soft voice and Baekhyun took note of how tense Chanyeol got. "Yoona go." He urged her as he ripped his arm out of her grasp. "But- "She went to protest, "I said go." Chanyeol demanded as she hesitantly turned away and leaving their apartment.

"How dare you." Baekhyun spoke through clenched teeth as he walked towards him, feeling his anger take advantage of him. "Baekhyun, let me explain." Chanyeol tried to calm down his husband and explain his side of the story. "No! I don't want to hear it! I don't' want to hear your lies!" Baekhyun cried out. It felt like everything the voices in his head were telling him were coming true. How he wasn't good enough. How Chanyeol would be better off with someone that worthier than him. How Baekhyun could never amount to be what Chanyeol wants in a marriage. He finally felt the tears trickle down his cheeks.

"I can't believe you. I can't believe you'd do this to us!" He yelled out he finally stood in front of the taller.

"Baekhyun..." He heard his husband speak in a sad tone. "I don't- I don't even want to see your face right now." He nauseously spoke, "Get out." He demanded. "Baekhyun, no. We have to talk about this!" Chanyeol went to grab his significant other's arm but Baekhyun flinched at the motion.

"D-Don't touch me. Don't even lay a finger on me you cheating asshole!" Baekhyun felt his chest burning, he wanted to do nothing right now but crawl in a hole. "No. I'm not leaving this unsettled, Baekhyun. Please... I love you. I want to make this work." The taller tried to beg his husband as Baekhyun just lifted his hands to his face and vigorously wiped his tears away. "Clearly you don't. Just-leave! I won't say it again. This is over. This whole dinner date. This whole day. This whole marriage!" He spoke with venom lacing his voice. "In fact, I don't even want to see this disgusting scene of affection any longer."

Baekhyun, in a state of heartbreak and betrayal, started shoving the whole scenery on their dining table off to the floor. "Baekhyun..." He heard his husband speak his name once more and it made him more infuriated. "Baekhyun!" He heard Chanyeol yell as he felt a hand grip his wrist and shove him back.

"Do you want to burn yourself?! Or worst, catch this apartment on fire with us in it?!" His husband firmly spoke, Baekhyun's eyes flickered to the huge number of lit candles he was about to push to their kitchen floor. "That last one isn't entirely a bad idea." He spoke in a hoarse voice.

"Get off me." Baekhyun proclaimed once more as he tried to pull his wrist out of his husband's grip. "Not until we talk about this." Chanyeol demanded and Baekhyun just felt tears building in his eyes once more. "There's nothing to talk about. You cheated! You broke our vows! This marriage is over." He went to struggle out of his grip. "I'm not going to let this fall apart!" Chanyeol yelled out, "It already has, Chanyeol!" He argued back, feeling his tears beginning to choke him.

Silence overcame them for a few moments. "We've been broken for months. You won't look at me like you did before. You won't even touch me how you used to. You neglected me." Chanyeol mumbled under his breath. Once more, Baekhyun felt rage creeping over him. "Oh really?! So, it's my fault your ass couldn't keep your dick in your pants, so you had to go burying it in some 21-year old's pussy instead?" Baekhyun shot back, "That's not what I meant!" "Well it sure as hell sounded like that's what you meant."

"I know what I did wasn't right. I know I should have spoken to you about this instead of going and cheating on you." The taller spoke, "I know I can't justify what I did, okay? But I still love you, Baekhyun." He proclaimed as Baekhyun rolled his tearful eyes.

He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, "Do you know how it feels to know you're not good enough for the person you love? Do you?" Baekhyun started, "Do you not understand the gravity of what you've done?! Congratulations, Park Chanyeol you've made me feel more worthless than I have felt in months." He spat at the other.

And the arguing went on and on. For hours it seemed.

One moment they were screaming at each other, another it was bitter silence that filled the room.

It wasn't until many hours later, the two finally sat down on the couch, facing on another and tried to "talk it out". Or more so, Chanyeol just begging for Baekhyun to change his mind about leaving him. Baekhyun whose voice was raw from arguing and cheeks were red from the many tears he shed finally spoke up.

"Baekhyun-ah..." Chanyeol lifted his free hand to try to cup Baekhyun's cheek. "You don't love me, Chanyeol." He spoke in a worn-out tone, looking up at his husband with tired eyes. "I do love you. I know my actions don't seem like it, but I do..." Chanyeol begged in a desperate tone. "I promise I'll make this right. Please let me make this right." He swore as his thumb rubbed against Baekhyun's red, swollen cheek. Baekhyun turned his face away from his touch and Chanyeol's hand dropped down from his face.

Baekhyun sighed heavily as he looked away from the taller.

Baekhyun knew deep down he didn't want this marriage to go down the drain. He yearned for it to be fixed from its broken state. He just didn't know if it was possible, he especially didn't know if he should give this marriage another ounce of his time. Was it truly worth it? Should he just throw four years down the drain or try to make it work with Chanyeol?

After millions of tears and tons of strained proclaims of 'I love you's later, Baekhyun finally made a decision of their future. A decision he hoped he was making for the better. He spoke up, looking at Chanyeol with tired, red eyes. "91 days." he speaks with a voice laced with defeat. "What?" replied his significant other, confusion overcoming his expression.

"You have 91 days to prove to me you genuinely love me still.

Or I file for divorce."


	3. three conditions

chapter also available on: [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/story/145007200-91-days-chanbaek) and[ AsianFanFics](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1337746/91-days-angst-kpop-depression-exo-marriage-adultery-anxiety-baekyeol-chanbaek-exoangst-chanbaekangst-chanbaekmarriage)

 

It took Chanyeol a moment to process what Baekhyun said on top of their hours of fighting that just took place.

"...Okay. I-I can do that." He agreed to Baekhyun's challenge a few moments after.

He watched as his husband looked over at him, with his tired, doe eyes. He looks so exhausted.

"I'm not finished. I have three conditions." Baekhyun spoke in a tired voice as he positioned himself to sit right in front of his husband.

"One, we do marriage counseling to help." Baekhyun looked at his husband in the eye, he could tell he was serious. Baekhyun knew Chanyeol was the type to not want outside help in their crumbling marriage, but Baekhyun didn't see how he was fit to disagree with him considering the circumstances.

Chanyeol sighed, "Fine. But how are we going to afford it?" Baekhyun bit down on his lower lip. That, he didn't exactly have an answer to. "I mean, isn't your friend...uh- what's his name again?" He racked his mind trying to find the answer that seemed to be at the very tip of his tongue. "...You mean, Minseok?" Chanyeol gave him the answer he was trying to figure out. "Yeah, him. Isn't he a therapist?"

"Yeah he is. I just feel bad asking him for help especially for a very small fee." Chanyeol did have a point but Baekhyun was reminded of all the many favors Chanyeol has done for Minseok before. It was the least his friend could do for him. "You've done so much for him before. Can you talk to him about it at least?" Chanyeol's gaze softened as Baekhyun laid his eyes upon him once more,

"Of course." Chanyeol replied.

"Two, don't...smother me." Chanyeol knitted his eyebrows together at what he said, "What do you mean? Don't you want me to show you I love you? Isn't that the point of this?"

Baekhyun sighed, "Smothering me doesn't show me you love me, Chanyeol." He continued, "Give me space and time to heal, but also don't abandon me. Just do it at a healthy pace, y'know?" He sighed, knowing how complicated he sound but he felt the other grab his hand and squeeze it, "It's okay, I understand." Baekhyun stared at him with a soft gaze for a moment until reality of the situation sunk in again.

He looked down at Chanyeol's hand holding his and Baekhyun didn't hesitate to pull his hand away from his grip.

"Three, you cut off all contact with her." He mentions just the even thought of her making his stomach flip.

Did he blame the young girl for the mistakes of his husband? No. But, it didn't stray away from the fact she was still a part of the adultery.

It was normal for Baekhyun to want Chanyeol to break off all contact from her. "I was going to do that anyways." Chanyeol spoke up and Baekhyun scoffed, "As if I believe that." He shook his head and looked back over, "I'm serious about this, Baekhyun. I want to make this work and I'm willing to do anything for that to happen." Baekhyun opened his mouth to make a slick remark that if Chanyeol was so serious about this relationship he wouldn't have cheated to begin with, but he decided against it. His head hurt and god what time was it even. They were arguing for so long, he lost track of time.

Baekhyun stood up, "Whatever you say, Chanyeol." He bitterly spoke, leaving it at that. "Where are you going?" He heard his husband question as Baekhyun rubbed his eyes then glanced over at the clock that decorated the wall above their television. '3:00 AM, huh?' Baekhyun thought to himself. They have been talking about this for that long? He knew it been hours but damn.

"All of the yelling and crying has exhausted me..." He mumbled, "I also still have work tomorrow, you do too. We should rest." Baekhyun let his hands fall to his side and look down at the other who stood up as well. "Alright..." But he could feel many things lingering with his response

Baekhyun looked up and felt frozen with the other's stare upon him. He slowly looked down and he heard his husband speak, "Baekhyun...Do you want me to-" Chanyeol lifted his hand to cup the others cheek but stopped his hand from moving any further.

Baekhyun spoke, "Just- sleep on the couch for now, Okay?" Baekhyun couldn't even stand being seated next to him right now let alone laying next to him in the bed that held so many memories.

Before Chanyeol could even respond Baekhyun made his way to the bedroom, not hesitating to slam the door behind him. He pressed his back against it after shutting it and feeling his chest tighten up. It was the first time he's been alone since this whole incident and he wasn't sure if this was a good or bad thing. He looked up and his gaze scanned their bedroom.

The bedroom that for many months will contain just of him and their memories that will suffocate him. The moment, he was finally alone the gravity of the situation started to settle in, the absolute loneliness and betrayal he felt too sunk in as well. "Oh god..." He placed his palm over his mouth. He felt tears building up in his eyes and knowing the paper-thin walls of their apartment, the last thing he wanted was for Chanyeol to hear him crying and try to comfort him. Of course, that soft hearted idiot would still try even though Baekhyun has denied his comfort tons of times for hours.

He slid down the door and moved his hand from his mouth to bury his face into his hands.

The voices starting to fill his head, 'Don't you see? This is proof. He never wanted you to begin with.' 'Are you an idiot? Do you think he'd want to make this work with you? He's just saying that.' 'You aren't good enough for hi- '.

"Shut up." He mumbled in a shaky breath, crying more into his hands. "Please just shut up." But of course, they won't listen to him.

After thirty minutes have passed, Baekhyun scrapped himself off his floor. He crawled into the bed, strictly staying on his side especially. Not wanting to smell Chanyeol's lingering (sweet) scent on his pillow. He wrapped the comforter around his small body and he sighed.

 

 

An hour passed, and he had still yet to fall asleep.

His mind wandering and bringing questions to his mind that are bound to keep him up. Did he ever even think about me while he was with her? How did they meet? Where did they go wrong? And especially, Did Chanyeol ever bring that girl to the very bed he was laying in that they shared for years?

As you can guess, Baekhyun surely didn't get a lot of sleep. And neither did Chanyeol.

Baekhyun noticed that once 8 am rolled around and his alarm clock rang in his ears, it was far too late to try to sleep now.

He had to get to work though sitting at his tiny office cubical typing away at his laptop was the very last thing he wanted to do especially after yesterday. He turned over to press the 'snooze' button and paused when his eyes fell upon the wedding photo on the side table beside the clock. His doe eyes stared at the photo for a few moments. Taking in their happy expressions, the bright scenery that surrounded them, and the light in their eyes that now have been stolen away from them. He sighed and rolled out of bed.

After getting ready, he walked into the living room to see his lanky husband whose legs were dripping over the ends of their small couch was still awake. Their eyes made contact for a moment before Baekhyun tore his gaze away.

Making his way into the small kitchen that was half-assed cleaned up from Baekhyun's outburst yesterday to make some coffee to keep himself up throughout work. While doing so, he pulled out creamer and sugar. He liked his coffee sweet as can be, not really into the bitterness of it all.

"You know it's 8:30..." Baekhyun spoke in a tired, rough voice as he started to situate his tie, all of the yelling hours ago made his throat sore.

"You have to go soon." He heard the other shuffle on the couch, probably to sit up but he didn't bother to turn around as he poured his coffee in his to-go thermal.

"I've been up all night. I couldn't get what happened out of my head." Chanyeol spoke in a frazzled, groggy tone. But, Baekhyun didn't reply as he stirred the sugar into his coffee. His head was hurting and honestly, he wasn't in the mood to go over this again.

"Baekhyun, I'm just so sorr- ""Chanyeol tried to speak but he cut him off,

"I'll talk to you when I get home." Baekhyun spoke as he grabbed his bag and quickly made his way out the apartment. Not wanting to hear another word.

It was too early in the morning for petty excuses and empty apologies.

 

 

 

 

"You look like hell." Jongin, his colleague stood beside him as Baekhyun was out for his smoke break.

"Yeah? feel like it too." Baekhyun spoke as he flicked the ash off the tip of his cigarette. "Something happen?" His friend asked as he joined in on Baekhyun's smoke break, lighting a cigarette of his own. "...Too much to even bother explaining." He sighed as he glanced over at him. "Mm I see." Jongin understood as he took a drag before continuing, "Husband problems?"

And Baekhyun nodded. "Cheated. With a woman." And he heard Jongin choking on the smoke that filled his lungs, " _For fucks sakes,_ seriously?"

Baekhyun brought the end of the cigarette to his lips once more, taking a drag as he nodded. "I'm sorry, Baek." He apologized to him as Baekhyun blew out the smoke. He bit down on his lip, all day he'd been fighting back tears from time to time, trying to not have a mental breakdown in the middle of his office. "...Yeah." He mumbled, noticing Jongin took a quick glance at his watch and cursed under his breath. His friend offered him a small pat to his shoulder for reassurance.

"I have to go back in but, I do hope things get better. Hang in there. See you around, ya?"

Baekhyun didn't bother saying much back as his friend turned away, walking back into the building. He sighed in frustration and threw his cigarette down, smashing the cancer stick underneath his shoe.

 

 

 

Chanyeol groaned in defeat as he watched Baekhyun hurry out their apartment, shutting the door before he could finish. He stood up from the couch and stretched, the small couch he's spent the last few hours on was not kind to him and his long body. He could hardly sleep due to his thoughts and feelings being completely shaken up. Driven by his anxiety to stay up also the soft cries he could hear coming from their bedroom where Baekhyun at the time resided in and the fact he knew him trying to comfort his husband wouldn't help this time just completely broke him apart.

He fucked up. Absolutely, royally, **fucked up**.

He couldn't believe how blind he was to just betray Baekhyun like that. Even if their marriage was already struggling, all he did was make it worse.

He knew that. Yet, at the times when he was with Yoona he'd feel all his worries melt away and she distracted him from the thoughts of his crumbling marriage. He had to admit, she made him feel better. But, she didn't make him feel the way Baekhyun did.

He stumbled into the bedroom to get dressed, taking a notice at the bundled up covers on Baekhyun's side of the bed and their wedding photo that was facing flat down on the table. He sighed as he slowly began to get dressed for work.

Unlike Baekhyun, Chanyeol didn't find the fondness in coffee to make it through the morning. Usually, he'd pop a piece of toast and be on his way but today, he wasn't hungry. He felt like if he even put anything in his stomach, he'd just throw it up.

Walking back out to the living room as he tightened up his tie. Chanyeol worked at a car dealership, it was a job that demanded a lot of his time and barely gave him much in return for it. But, it was the best he could do for now.

It was very hard for Chanyeol to back out of things once he started and especially harder for him to say 'No' when his job demanded more of him than he could offer. Despite, his nerves being shocked, he knew he needed to make his way to work. It would just make the situation their marriage is currently in right now even worse if they had unpaid bills on top of them.

When Chanyeol arrived to work he found a new feeling of nervousness rising within him but also with a touch of guilt.

Yoona was Chanyeol's co-worker.

Someone he'd be seeing more than for Baekhyun's liking that's for sure. He supposed he'd have to explain to his husband later and discuss a schedule switch with his boss. He felt bad he'd not only put Baekhyun through this but also dragged Yoona into this situation as well. He just felt like such a terrible person.

No, actually he _was_ a terrible person.

After parking his car and making his way through the building, he saw no sight of the young woman. He hoped maybe she just decided to not show up today. He made his way down the corridor towards the back of the building to get to his office. He placed his bag down and went to review the stack of papers placed on his desk. Flipping through the pages, he failed to notice the sound of his office door being opened.

Until the small click of the door being shut caused him to turn around,

"Why...Why didn't you tell me you were married?"


	4. the list

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short chapter, sorry!

chapter also available on [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/story/145007200-91-days-chanbaek) and[ AsianFanFics](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1337746/91-days-angst-kpop-depression-exo-marriage-adultery-anxiety-baekyeol-chanbaek-exoangst-chanbaekangst-chanbaekmarriage)

 

"Why...Why didn't you tell me you were married?"

He heard that typical soft voice that was once heaven to his ears speak that now set an uneasiness in his stomach, echo in his quiet office room. Chanyeol turned around, hands still gripping the papers that were once on his desk. He bit down on his lip nervously as he faced her.

He wasn't sure what to say to her at first. How exactly could he even explain this without looking like a completely asshole?

"Yoona, Listen..." He sighed as he placed the papers down on the desk and fully faced the shorter girl. His eyes took in the sight of her. The underneath of her eyes were red and puffy, her expression wrote a mixture of feelings all over it, and she spoke to him in a tone laced with anger with hints of curiosity.

"Things with me and Baekhyun weren't going okay for a long time. He did things and clearly, so did I. Things...that weren't okay. We were struggling yet neither one of us spoke up about it." He took a deep breath and continued.

"Then I met you and I just, you reminded me so much of what I had before and I just- I don't know. I made a mistake. I fucked up." He confessed.

"You did, you did fuck up. A lot. And you know what sucks even more for me?" She questioned as he watched her move closer to him.

"That I fell in love with you. Hard. Harder than with anyone before." She unexpectantly wrapped her arms around his torso, pressing the side of her face against his chest comfortably. "You've made me feel so happy. I felt whole when I was with you, you treated me better than all those other scummy boyfriends I've had before." She continued.

"Don't you understand? I love you, Chanyeol, I have for a while and I know deep down you feel the same."

He didn't know how to feel nonetheless how to even respond. Everything was still jumbled inside of him, but one thing was clear that he was serious about trying to fix things with his husband and their crumbling marriage.

"I-"He went to speak but he felt the arms around his torso tighten slightly. Yoona looked up at him with charming eyes, "Please, Chanyeol. If you weren't happy then why stay? We can be- "

"No, Yoona." He grabbed her arms and unhooked them from around his body and stepped back from the girl. "I explained it to you, I want to work on things with my marriage, you need to respect that." He tried to reject as her, yet he had to admit his heart squeezed in his chest a bit when he saw the hurt reflecting in her eyes.

Then he heard a breathless laugh escape her lips, "Fine. It'll just crumble right in front of you, no matter what you do! But okay, Chanyeol! Waste your time with such a lost cause!" He watched as she turned around making her way towards the door. "And when your shitty marriage falls from underneath you once and for all, don't come crying back to me."

He heard the small slam echo in his office room as she made her way out.He knew she did had a reason to lash out on him and he understood he deserved every last painful word. Chanyeol sighed and took a seat at his desk. He glanced over at the picture of him and Baekhyun on their one-year anniversary and one question evaded his head.

'Am I really wasting my time?'

And he hated himself so much that he'd even think of such a thing.

 

 

 

Baekhyun unlocked the front door to their apartment and walked in. He knew Chanyeol wasn't home yet but would be very soon. He placed his bag down on the kitchen counter and decided to clean up the rest of his mess he caused last night.

Once the kitchen was cleaned up, Baekhyun and his exhausted body sat down on the couch and wrapped the blanket Chanyeol probably used last night around him.

He felt a mixture of emotions running through him. He still felt the lingers of anger and betrayal coursing through him. But now guilt played in as well. After thinking throughout the day, Baekhyun knew he contributed to their marriage crumbling. He knew him being distant, lying about losing his job, and causing problems he couldn't even admit to causing didn't help them.

He tightened the blanket around him and felt tears building in his eyes. He felt bad that he made out Chanyeol to be the only bad guy here. He was at fault too, of course not as much as his unfaithful husband, but it was still bad. He knew long ago he should have expressed to his husband his mental health issues, but he was afraid it would only put more stress on the couple.

On top of the bills they struggled with, he knew he couldn't afford to get proper help but soft-hearted Chanyeol who knew they had no money for it would say otherwise, and risk his wallet even more to pay for his treatment and Baekhyun couldn't let him risk that.

In the middle of his thoughts, he heard keys jiggling on the other end of the door and a moment later, it swung open with the exact giant he was just thinking about walking in.

Baekhyun was quick to bring up but kept the blanket wrapped around him, raising the back of his hand to quickly brush away the tears at the corner of his eyes.

He cleared his throat, "H-Hey. How was work?"

He awkwardly tried to spark up a conversation. He watched as the taller place the bag of takeout on the kitchen table and walk towards him. "It was fine. I uh...wanted to mention-" Chanyeol knew he would have to mention a few more details sparing Yoona. He didn't want to hold no secrets back.

He walked towards him as he spoke but stopped his sentence mid-way. He noticed that familiar sadness in Baekhyun's eyes and noticed the puffiness underneath them. "Baekhyun, were you crying?" He questioned yet saw that sadness turn to panic as Baekhyun quickly looked away from him.

"No. I just- I'm tired. I got no sleep at all last night."

He was quick to make his excuse and Chanyeol knew prying wouldn't work.

"I hope you don't mind I brought take out for dinner." The giant offered as he gestured back to the bag sitting on the table. "I figured maybe... we could talk a bit over dinner?" He figured maybe this was a softer way to drop the weight that Chanyeol actually worked with Yoona but he wanted to make it clear to his husband he got his schedule changed earlier today.

Yet, Baekhyun scrunched up his face at the thought of food. "I'm not really hungry." He mentions as his tired eyes looked up at the giant. "Baekhyun, you need to eat." He heard his husband protest as the blanket covered Baekhyun started making his way towards the bedroom.

"Sleep first, dinner later." He groaned. He genuinely was tired but also couldn't stomach the thought of having another awkward conversation with the other right now, he just didn't have the energy.

"We have something to talk abo-" Baekhyun swung open the door and closed it behind him before Chanyeol could finish his sentence.

They had a lot to work on that's for sure.

 

 

 

**7 out of 91: one week**

Baekhyun sat next to his husband on the leather couch in the cold office room. Sitting across from them was cross-legged Minseok who jotted things down on a piece of paper. The two had decided to explain their current and overall situation in their marriage to the professional during their first session.

"Well, first things first I'd like to clarify that marriage counseling requires 100% of both of you. If you want to make this work, it's the only way you'll succeed." Minseok looked up at them from his notebook and pushed up his glasses.

"This includes talking about your issues, doing activities, and especially, being honest." He shot a quick glanced at Chanyeol on his last point.

He shut his notebook and placed it on the table beside him. "Now, speaking of activities. Tonight, we'll do one."

Baekhyun heard Chanyeol snort, "What are activities supposed to help with? This isn't grade school, Minseok." He questioned and Baekhyun had to agree with him there, he didn't see the point in making up activities to do.

"Actually, they do help. They help you guys express how you feel about one another, your desires, and much more in more ways than just words. Because in the end, usually words mean nothing." He mentions as he grabs two pieces of paper, pencils, and clipboards to bare down on, "But actions do."

He handed the couple one of the materials each. Baekhyun scrunched up his eyebrows, "What's this for?" He asked as he watched the therapist take his seat again.

"I want you two to write up a list of ten things you want out of your marriage." Minseok explained, "Meaning you can list changes you want and desires you need, whether it be sexual or not."

Baekhyun looked down at his paper lifting his pencil to write until Minseok's voice spoke once more, "Just a moment. One more thing, for your tenth point I want you to make it the overall most important thing you want to accomplish in the future of your marriage."

He continues, "and...make it a mystery, once you're both done I'll cover it with colored tape. You won't be able to uncover that last one until both of you complete every other point above it on both of your lists."

"And the point of that?" Baekhyun questioned as he placed his pencil down for a moment,

"Because if you can accomplish fulfilling all those other needs and wants from one another especially in the tight situation you're in now, it should make you even stronger to do the thing you want the most in the future."

Baekhyun understood what Minseok wanted them to accomplish here and he had to admit it was pretty fucking smart despite a small side of him thinking it was ridiculous but what else do they go to lose? Baekhyun decided to start his list off with small things and then he made it to number ten. He paused, biting down on his lip as he figured what he would put at the bullet point, but just the even the thought of writing it down on paper unnerved him.

But it was something Baekhyun wanted. Something he needed. So, he built up the courage to write the words on the paper and just tried to cringe on the inside only.

He noticed around the same time he finished, Chanyeol did as well. The couple handed their lists and Minseok's eyes scanned over them before taking them to his desk to apply a small amount of tape over each of their tenth points.

"Remember don't take this off unless you complete all the other ones first." He reminded the couple as he handed them back.

The session ended and the two made their way back to their small Volkswagen sitting in the parking lot. Baekhyun got in the passenger seat and sighed, "Should we just- exchange it now?" He offered, and he saw the small grin on the taller, "What? You're already that eager to be nosey? Can't even wait till we get home?" Chanyeol snickered at him.

And for the first time in a week, Baekhyun actually managed to crack a small smile at the silly remark. "Oh, shut up." He grabbed the list of his husband's hand and handed him his own, "I know you're curious too."

His doe eyes scanned over the list all the way down to the decorative purple tape covering his very last one. He scrunched his eyebrows as he looked at the other,

"Park Chanyeol, are you fucking serious?"


	5. it's like you're not even trying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long chapter to make up for the previous short one!  
> also, thank you to my co-creative director (ha puns) karla for helping me brainstorm for this chapter and elle for editing/looking over it too.

chapter also available on [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/story/145007200-91-days-chanbaek) and [AsianFanFics](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1337746/91-days-angst-kpop-depression-exo-marriage-adultery-anxiety-baekyeol-chanbaek-exoangst-chanbaekangst-chanbaekmarriage)

 

Baekhyun's eyes glanced over the carefully numbered list with his husband's slightly messy handwriting ruining the lined paper. It wasn't until his doe eyes landed across number 4 on his list that he spoke,

"Park Chanyeol, are you fucking serious?"

He looked up at the other with his eyebrows scrunched up as he was met with nothing but a small grin from his husband. Chanyeol couldn't help crack an inappropriate smirk at what he put down in ink.

"Number 4: Have exciting sex in a different place." Baekhyun read out-loud, holding out the hand with the list clutched between his fingers to give it back to the giant, "You're gross." He let out a light-hearted laugh.

"Hey, he said we could put any sexual things we wanted as well." His husband chuckled at the end of his sentence as he reached out to take the list back from Baekhyun.

Baekhyun felt the other's soft fingertips brush against the back of his fingers and for a slight second, he felt butterflies fill his stomach. Unfortunately, this moment was cut short; Baekhyun's brain sabotaged him by making him think about Chanyeol and Yoona. How they probably fucked in other places. How they probably loved every second of it and the rush it brought. How maybe they even fucked in this very car- he needed to stop himself there.

Instead the butterflies in his stomach made it twist and turn in nauseating ways. A sickening feeling overcame him.

Baekhyun quickly handed the list back to his husband and pulled his hand back, scared of their fingers brushing up against each other once more and bringing up unwanted memories. Chanyeol took notice of this sudden change in his mood,

"Are you alright? I can take it off if it bothers you, Baekhyun." He heard Chanyeol's voice break the sudden silence between them.

Baekhyun who tried to relax against the seat, looked over at him, "No. It's fine. I understand if you want to try something different. But...It'll just take a while for us to get there."

As Baekhyun spoke he looked away from his husband, afraid to meet those soft eyes and change in his words. "I know that." He heard him respond as he started the car.

"Don't worry, I won't rush anything. Okay? I know it'll take a bit for us." Chanyeol reassured him as he began to back up the car from the parking spot they were in. Baekhyun didn't respond back. The rest of the car ride was filled with nothing but silence with hints of awkwardness hiding within it.

Majority of the time, Baekhyun hated his mind. He despised how it would twist any happy moment for him. It would make things morbid and make him think of only the bad things that could turn out for him. It burdened him. It ruined so much for him.

Baekhyun pulled his own list out of his pocket, unfolded it, and looked down at it. His eyes scanned over the purple tape, his fingertip brushing over it.

He knew one day he'd have to gain control of his mind once more. Maybe this will help.

 

 

 

 

They decided to hang up their individual lists beside each other on their fridge,

**Baekhyun's List:**

1\. Be comfortable around you again.

2\. Get our spark back.

3\. Kiss like we used to.

4\. Go on date nights.

5\. Sleep in the same bed together.

6\. Not to work over-time to see you more.

7\. Become one in bed once more.

8\. Be more caring

9\. Give you my trust once more.

Baekhyun glanced over his list once more, before placing one teal magnet over the top of the paper. Chanyeol's lifted his up beside his partners after scratching out and changing number four,

**Chanyeol's List:**

1\. Keep my focus 100% on you.

2\. Not let stress overcome me.

3\. Become a better person for you.

4\. Always tell you the truth.

5\. Move somewhere nicer for us?

6\. Sleep next to you again. _(His softer version of number four)_

7\. Try new things with you

8\. Take you anywhere you want for dates

9\. Convince you I still love you

10.

"And remember," Minseok's voice rang through Chanyeol's head as he placed the list against the fridge and under a magnet,

"completing things on this list is important. It holds all the things you need out of this marriage after what you've been through. Following it might just be the only way you'll **heal**."

 

 

**14 out of 91: a week later**

A week into the lists and there are only a few words to describe it; a huge bust.

Baekhyun still continued to fall into the habit of working late nights to avoid his home. Yet another lost promise broken by just feeling uncomfortable around the other. It had gotten to the point where Baekhyun didn't even want him sitting next to him.

He knew a change needed to start being made. Baekhyun finally realized on his smoking break earlier today and the pang of guilt in his chest that built up on the car ride home more and more had lead him up to this point.

"You want to what?" Chanyeol knitted his eyebrows together in confusion at Baekhyun's words.

Baekhyun's cheeks blushed a light crimson as he repeated his words, "I said, maybe...we should try to sleep in the same bed tonight."

Chanyeol blinked a few times as he placed down the paperwork he was working onto the coffee table in front of him, standing up, "Are you sure? Shouldn't we go in order of the list?" He questioned.

Baekhyun fiddled with his fingers in front of him as he tried to explain, "I mean...Minseok didn't say we'd have to. I think we should just go about it in ways we want." He looked up at the giant,

"And this is what you want?" Chanyeol asked.

"Yes. I just..." Baekhyun wanted to so desperately explain how every time he lays in their bed alone at night, how his mind wanders into its darkest depths and eats him alive every moment, especially in that room. Every thought he has about him and her, every self-deprecating thought that'll come to his head - it was too much sometimes.

"- get lonely sometimes..." But he knows he can't explain right now. Baekhyun can't bring himself to tell him.

He figured maybe his presence will at least give him enough reassurance to not cry himself to sleep again in fear of waking him up.

He watched as his husband's expression softened. "Alright, as long as you're okay with it. I'll do it." He smiled softly at him and Baekhyun felt relief wash over him.

Baekhyun just hoped this helped, someway - somehow. But there was also a small part of him that genuinely just missed sharing the bed with the giant anyway. Maybe it'll help their relationship? It is on their list after all.

But what Baekhyun didn't expect was the giant leaning down and attempting to place a soft peck on his cheek. He didn't even know how to appropriately react. All he could do was jump back from the oncoming peck as if it startled him. It wasn't the first time the giant had attempted to peck his cheek this past week. It always resulted in him mumbling an apology and changing the topic.

Chanyeol looked at him confused but then remembered,

"Oh... I'm sorry." He quickly mumbled, moving back. "I kind of got lost there. I hope I didn't cross any line," he apologized.

Baekhyun blinked in awe then relaxed. "It's fine," he quickly replied and looked down.

Chanyeol sighed and moved passed him to go clear off their dining room table.

"You've been working late again for the past week..." He began to mention as he grabbed plates off the table. "Any reason why?"

Baekhyun bit down on his lip. How was he supposed to admit it was hard to break his old habit? His habit of constantly avoiding bed until late hours of the night so his thoughts won't consume him for too long in the comforts of his own home.

"Just wanting to make some extra money this month, Yeol." He lied through his teeth.

Before his husband could respond he stretched his arms dramatically and pulled the most realistic yawn he could, "I'll go get ready for bed. Come when you're done."

Baekhyun made his way to their bedroom and quickly got changed before the other came in.

Chanyeol felt annoyed. He just felt like Baekhyun wasn't trying or even following the list they vowed to follow for each other. But, he knew it wasn't time for an argument.

As the taller made his way to the bedroom after putting the now clean dishes away, he walked in as he saw the other pulling the sheets up on his designated side to crawl under.

His eyes glanced over his attire. A long t-shirt and just his boxers, typical Baekhyun pajama attire. Honestly, Baekhyun's outfit made him forget about what annoyed him for a moment.

After finally slipping off his dress shirt and pulling thin pajama pants over his waist, Chanyeol crawled in bed next to the other. It felt awkward and they remained on their own sides, no cuddling or touching. Hell, Baekhyun wouldn't even face him while laying down.

But, Chanyeol knew this was going to take baby steps. It was just surprising that Baekhyun even let him lay with him again so soon.

16 out of 91 ; two days later ;

The past two days of sleeping next to each other had been... awkward. They had been filled with nothing but awkward silences. Every time Chanyeol woke up in the morning and had accidentally pulled the smaller close to him in his sleep, he was engulfed by a cringeworthy feeling at the sight of Baekhyun through his groggy gaze, scrunching up his nose in confusion and pulling his limbs off him when his alarm rang in the morning. It was a big contrast from the old days where he'd embrace the taller back and stay there an extra five minutes just to be in his protective grasp for a little bit longer.

They are now on their third night and Chanyeol doesn't see any hope of it getting better just yet.

After thirty minutes of silence had passed between them, Chanyeol assumed Baekhyun had fallen asleep. Yet, little did he know Baekhyun was once more letting his mind consume him. The slightly drowsy Chanyeol was about to try to sleep until he heard the smaller speak up,

"Did you bring her into this bed?"

"Huh?" Chanyeol turned to face the back of Baekhyun.

"I said, did you bring Yoona into this bed?" He could hear the hints of bitterness lingering behind every word.

Lying would only make things even worse but, god knows what telling the truth will unleash. Chanyeol knew what he had to say.

"Baekhyun, why do you want to have this conversation right now? It's 1 am."

"I deserve to know." He huffed as he turned around to face the taller. Baekhyun knew maybe this wasn't the time or place right now. But, he couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand sleeping there for countless nights without knowing the truth.

"Answer me." Baekhyun repeated and silence filled them for a moment. He watched as his husband's eyes fell from his gaze, just like they did the night he got caught cheating.

"Yes." And just that one little word set a fire inside Baekhyun once more.

Baekhyun sat up, not hesitating to grab the pillow that he once laid his head on and threw it directly at Chanyeol's face. "And you didn't think to fucking tell me that?! You seriously let me sleep here for two weeks now knowing you and her had sex here?!"

"Baekhyun, calm down- "Chanyeol tried to urge his husband as he sat up in bed but Baekhyun already stood up.

"You didn't think that would bother me, Chanyeol?" Baekhyun didn't hesitate to pull open his closet doors and lean up on his tiptoes to pull his luggage from the top shelf, "I can't stay here."

Chanyeol got up from the bed, "Running away isn't going to solve _anything_ , Baekhyun!"

"Yeah? Well I don't care anymore. I'm over it." He started packing clothes into the suitcase in a rush. "It's been a week since those stupid lists and nothing has changed! It's like you're not trying!"

Chanyeol knitted his eyebrows together at his last remark. "Me?" He spoke in a hurt tone as he went to grab his wrist, trying to stop the smaller who was hurriedly packing clothes into the suitcase, "I'm not trying? You're the one not trying!" He argued back.

"Excuse me?" He tried to rip his wrist out of his husband's grip. "Last time I checked the lists, you're the one who promised to tell me the truth! Yet once again, see where we are!" Baekhyun yelled.

"And you're some saint here?! Last time I checked," He spoke mimicking the other, "You put down on that list you'd stop working overtime and work on getting comfortable again! For Christ sakes, you won't even let me kiss your cheek or touch your hand without pulling away from me!" "And let's not leave out that you've been working late still! It's been a week since the lists have been up, yet it seems like you're not very keen to follow them either." He took a deep breath trying to recollect himself, "I try to understand you, Baekhyun! I do! I try to respect your boundaries, but it gets so hard!"

Baekhyun just looked at him with a glossy wide-eyed stare, before completely ripping his wrists away from Chanyeol's tight grip. "You don't understand anything." He bitterly replied as he continued to pack his clothes away.

"What am I not understanding, Baekhyun? Tell me!" Chanyeol pressed a bit further but Baekhyun knew he couldn't say it. He knew Chanyeol wouldn't understand his head and why it's so hard for him to break the habit of avoiding his home, especially now with their current situation. "Tell me so I can understand. I want to understand."

Baekhyun felt tears building up and his throat tighten. He knew he couldn't spill all his issues right here, right now. They haven't built it up to the point where he felt comfortable doing so. So, he tried to keep it to the surface of his issues.

"I just- I feel like everything is weighing me down, Chanyeol." He sniffled as he looked up at him, "Every single night that I lay in this bed I overthink and cry, because I have no clue what parts of the house that I live in have been tainted by your little affair." He turned away from his bag to completely face the taller.

"It just breaks my heart all over again. You let me lay there in that bed knowing you've brought her into it." He admitted as his gaze fell. "And it's not even just the bed! It's just this whole place. I feel like it's infested. I feel like it just taunts me now. That's why- I-I kind of been avoiding it."

He took a deep breath, "And when you touch me, I just think of how you probably touched her, and I just wonder what did she have that I didn't? What was so different that you had to cheat on me? Did she touch you differently than me? Did she give you something I couldn't? My mind just constantly wanders and questions because I don't know."

Chanyeol just looked at him with a tear-filled stare, "Baekhyun, I'm sorry. I just-" He sighed, "I guess we both haven't been doing anything right especially me. I know I should have told you." Baekhyun nodded.

"I know it's no excuse, I let my thoughts drag me down and prevent me from making process." He looked back up at the giant, "I know there needs to be effort on both sides. It's just so hard, Chanyeol."

"I understand it is, Baekhyun. I do. It's going to be hard at first, we're both going to have to make sacrifices and put our guards down for the sake of this marriage." The taller spoke as he unconsciously raised his hand to cup the smaller's cheek to brush away the tear that were threatening to spill from his eyes.

"I know how hard it will be to convince you that my words are genuine but please don't think you are not good enough just because I was an idiot. You're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I took it for granted." Chanyeol spoke with regret lacing his tone. Baekhyun for the first time, didn't tense up under his touch but instead, relaxed against his palm. He had no clue why the touch was so calming for him at the moment.

Chanyeol took notice but didn't want to point it out, afraid that it might ruin the moment. "And I'm not sure if this will completely solve the bed problem but, how about we get a new one?"

Baekhyun scrunched his eyebrows together at his husband's broad proclamation, "As much as I think it might help a bit, we can't afford it, Yeol." Baekhyun sighed.

"I don't care if we can't afford it. If it'll help us right now, that's all I care about." He heard the giant protest.

"Maybe we can discuss it when we have the extra money." Baekhyun replied, defeated and tired eyes glancing over that it was now almost 2 am.

He continued, "I have to get up at 8 am for work. I don't have time to go on some midnight adventure with you. Also, we don't even know if it'll help. We could just be wasting our time and especially, money we don't have." Baekhyun made his way past the other, "I'm just- going to go sleep on the couch. You can have the bed for tonight."

"But-" He heard the whimper of his husband and Baekhyun was quick to walk out of the room before his husband with his crazy ideas could convince him otherwise.

 

 

 

Yet, it didn't stop Chanyeol from dragging him out of bed once 10 am rolled around on his clock. Baekhyun woke up to a grinning Chanyeol shaking him softly and whispering for him to wake up.

"If you don't hurry and get up, I'll just carry you, Baekhyunnie." He heard his husband whisper as Baekhyun began to open his eyes.

"What the hell are you talking about?" He groaned as he sat up and rubbed his tired eyes. Baekhyun grabbed his phone and looked at the time. You could practically see the color leave his skin as he noticed it was past 8 am, "Holy fuck. I'm two hours late."

He panicked as he tried to push past the giant and rush to the bedroom to get dressed. Before he could however, he was grabbed by the arm and pulled back. "What are you doing? I need to go!" he huffed as he narrowed his eyes at the smiling giant.

"I already called out for you," Chanyeol responded.

"And why did you do that?"

"Well, I felt like you needed a day off and also, I wanted to show you what I got." And with his husband's words, Baekhyun could already feel the hole burning into their wallet.

"Did you buy what I think you bought?" Baekhyun groaned as he felt the other's hand grab his wrist.

"Come on! It's not as bad as you think!" Chanyeol laughed as he dragged him to their room. "It was a good deal!"

"It will be bad when we can't pay our power bill this month." Baekhyun replied but let the taller pull him into their bedroom anyways.

"I told you not to worry about that, I had some extra money on the side. It's okay, I handled it Baekhyun." Chanyeol attempted to try and relax his significant other's mind as he pulled him in front of their new mattress and... sheets?

"You got sheets as well for it?" Baekhyun questioned as he stared upon the royal blue sheets that strangely went perfectly with their white walls. Baekhyun was silently glad he at least considered the color coordination of their room.

The other nodded, "Felt like those needed to go too. I mean we needed a bit of an update anyways, don't you think?" Chanyeol glanced over at the smaller whose arms were crossed over his chest as his dark orbs scanned the new change of setting, nervous for his reaction.

He was relieved to see a small smile on Baekhyun's soft lips. "Not going to lie, it does actually make me feel a bit-at peace," but it quickly faded as he let out a sigh, "Doesn't mean it makes me feel completely better but I guess it is an improvement. It's a push for the better. I just hate that you had to spend money on it though." He turned towards him as Chanyeol moved closer.

"I'll do anything it takes in order to get us on the right track." The taller shot him a smile and Baekhyun couldn't help but give one back,

"I'm sorry for not trying right off the bat. I'll take this list more seriously. I promise." Baekhyun swore to his partner as he looked down at his hand and hesitantly reached in and grabbed his husband's hand. It wasn't a tight grip - it was light and soft, but it was enough for now.

His finger ran over the wedding ring that decorated Chanyeol's ring finger.

"Me too. I want to make this work and I'll do anything it takes for that. I want to be better for you, Baekhyun." He slightly tightened his grip back on Baekhyun's hand.

"I promise."

 

 

 

**Chanyeol's List:**

1\. Keep my focus 100% on you.

2\. Not let stress overcome me.

3\. Become a better person for you.

4\. Always tell you the truth.

5\. Move somewhere nicer for us?

~~6\. Sleep next to you again.~~

7\. Try new things with you

8\. Take you anywhere you want for dates

9\. Convince you I still love you

**Baekhyun's List:**

1\. Be comfortable around you again.

2\. Get our spark back.

3\. Kiss like we used to.

4\. Go on date nights.

~~5\. Sleep in the same bed together.~~

6\. Not to work over-time to see you more.

7\. Become one in bed once more.

8\. Be more caring.

9\. Give you my trust once more.


	6. little by little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! here’s a short fluff chapter. I would also like to mention every couple that experiences adultery heals and improve at different rates! Please be mindful that not everyone is the same! I am taking any experience I witnessed myself and putting it in the fanfiction because it’s based off that type of improvement system.

chapter also available on [Wattpad](https://www.wattpad.com/576170292-91-days-chanbaek-v-little-by-little) and[ AsianFanFics](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1337746/5)

 

 

**21 out of 91**

It’s been another week.

Another week of twisting and turning in the royal blue sheets that decorated their new mattress. Another week of trying to get use of the awkward atmosphere that engulfed them as they laid beside each other in bed, trying to keep an appropriate distance. Another week of trying to make small changes in their lives that will matter in the long run.

It’s been another week and Baekhyun can confidently say, they’re making small progress.

Baekhyun didn’t expect any of this to be easy. He knew even just changing their mattress wouldn’t put him at ease completely. He knew no matter how soft the sheets he was entangled in, the haunting thoughts would creep up on him again.

His mind would begin to fill with horrible scenarios and thoughts. Just like before every-time he'd come home and lay together in their bed, reasons he avoided months ago when it just got worse. Even now, he silently still preferred being at his office at unruly hours to avoid the night-time and his mind the best he can.

Yet, he knew that wasn't an option anymore. Especially, for the sake of his marriage.

As he laid in bed the voices would fill his head and prevent him from sleeping until he finally took a pill or two to knock himself out. Everyday before returning at a normal time from work, he’d mentally prepare himself for the heavy feelings to come when he'd lay down beside his husband once more. 

But, relationship wise it was getting better for them, slowly. Very slowly.

Hopefully, it stays that way.

 

 

“Hey. Sorry if I’m disturbing you while you’re at work.” Baekhyun’s voice ran through the speaker of Chanyeol’s office phone.

The giant blinked out of confusion a few times when he first saw the caller ID blinking on his small screen. He didn’t expect the other to call him.

“No, you didn’t. Are you at your desk right now? You know you shouldn’t-” Chanyeol went to rant that Baekhyun should be distracting himself while being in the middle of work until his husband’s small snort from the other side of the line cut him off.

“No, dumbass. I’m on my lunch break right now.”

“Your lunch break? So, as in just eating a sandwich then smoking a cigarette after?”

Baekhyun’s lips curled up into a small smirk, “Well look at that, you know me well after-all.” He teased.

He heard Chanyeol scoff on the other side of the line, “I know you better than you know yourself, trust me.” He played along.

Their conversation consisted of talks of how exhausting work was and Baekhyun complaining about how much work he’d probably have sitting on his desk once he got back because his boss was nothing but a cunt to him, taking advantage of him always offering to stay late as an impression he wanted to work harder and longer. Baekhyun pushed the tip of his burnt-out cigarette against the brick wall he was leaning against, phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder.

“Oh, I suppose I should mention this…” He mumbles as he flicks the butt of the cigarette onto the ground.

“I’m coming home even earlier tonight than usual.” And that exact proclamation caught Chanyeol’s attention.

“Oh really, what time?” He casually asked, stopping his pen in its tracks along the paper he was signing.

“Most likely around 6.” Baekhyun replied.

“I’ll probably get there an hour before? I’m probably getting left off early today.”

“Let me guess. You’re going to make a cheap takeout run on your way home?” Baekhyun laughed as he pushed his hand into his pocket and began walking back towards his building. Most of the time, the couple was too exhausted to cook dinner at home.

So cheap take-out from their old high school friend Jongdae’s small restaurant not far from their apartment was typically their option for dinner.

“Oh, come on. Who knows maybe I’ll surprise you?” He teased the other. “Yeah alright,” He spoke with a sarcastic tone and light chuckle following after, “I’ll see you when I get home alright?” It didn’t take long for them to bid their goodbyes and and Chanyeol's finger lingering over the end call button pressing against it.

Leaving their conversation off on a good note and a grinning giant with a plan for a surprise.

 

 

Placing the newly bought magnolias in the middle of the table of his cliché movie dinner set up, he couldn’t help but feel pretty proud of himself.

Chanyeol decided for once after weeks of being buried in take-out food to cook for them at home. And not going to lie, he was pretty good at cooking out of the two of them.

Baekhyun didn’t bother trying to cook again after their meatloaf incident in 2016. Which resulted in him almost burning their apartment down. So, it wasn’t exactly something he’s trying to do again. So, it pretty much lead Chanyeol to be the chief of the household.Yet, despite wanting to make a fancy dinner. He knew they were still short on cash due to the mattress just bought. He opted for the cheapest yet fancy meal he could think of for their budget, Spaghetti. Throwing in salad, breadsticks, and some cheesy white candles in there as well to make up for the lack of richness behind it. He figured it was good enough for their situation now.

Baekhyun would understand.

Setting up their dining table making sure not to forget a single thing out as he watches 5:50 roll around on the clock. Indicating, his husband would be here soon.

Chanyeol was nervous. Not because he didn’t think he did anything nice. Not because he was worried he wouldn’t be ready completely while Baekhyun arrived home. But because he feared the reaction he’d get out of the smaller.

He didn’t want to push things on him or rush their situation which they mutually agreed to go slow about. Yet, it didn’t stop his head from coming up with all these ideas to treat Baekhyun how he deserves.

Drowning in his thought, it came to his mind that this was their first small date since the affair was revealed. And that thought alone made him even more nervous to the point he almost didn’t hear the keys unlocking their front door. Chanyeol swiftly turned around to be met with his husband’s face, the light from the candles Chanyeol lit and placed on the table shining in his dark orbs as he looked around at the set-up curiously.

He could have sworn he saw a small hint of a smile on Baekhyun’s lips.

Baekhyun chuckled, “What is this all for?” He spoke as he placed his bag down on the floor, gazing over the cheesy dinner set-up.

“Nothing. Just something special, for the both of us.” The taller replied.

His eyes fell upon the bright magnolias in the centerpiece of the table. Reaching his hand out to brush his fingertips over the soft petals lightly.

“Magnolias as well?” He looked away from the flowers and up at the taller. “Just as bright as the boutonnière ones from our wedding. Which, I knew you loved.” Chanyeol completed his sentence.

“Of course, I loved them. I picked them out myself.” He replied, giving a sly smile to the other.

Chanyeol laughed, “Yeah, yeah. Just sit down.” He pulled out the chair and let the other sit down before he did.

He watched as Baekhyun looked down at the food then back at the other. Chanyeol was relieved his husband wasn’t mad at what he set-up but a part of him was still nervous about the food aspect of their small dinner date.

“Ah, this is really sweet of you. Even if it is cliché and dorky, I know it came from you.” Baekhyun complimented the other, hoping the diming of the room lights and yellow glow of the candles would hide the light blush on his cheeks.

Baekhyun noticed Chanyeol was tense ever since we walked in the door. Frankly, he couldn’t blame him. He knows they’ve been surrounded by nothing but awkward silences for many periods of times despite things slowly getting better. It was still hard on both ends to put 100% into this relationship especially now. As well, Baekhyun knows how much his mood can flip flop because of his head. Which, he’s trying his best to control on his own for now. But, he can say the dinner helped quiet the voices down in his head that were provoking him on his ride home.

Ever since earlier after the phone call, his mind has been filled with worry. He worried he annoyed the other with the sudden call during work. He worried maybe it be too much to talk during his whole break seeing Chanyeol was in the middle of paperwork.

But this put all those emotions and bursts of over-thinking to the side for now.

Baekhyun continued, “and that’s all that matters to me.”

 

**22 out of 91**

”So how are the lists going?” Minseok questioned the two as he leaned against his desk.

Honestly, to the two of them this felt like two students checking back in with their teacher about a group project their doing instead of a marriage counselling assignment, but you know whatever floats Minseok’s boat and helps save their marriage is fine with them.

“Fine so far.” Chanyeol kept it short with the therapist as Baekhyun caught on to the conversation.

“We’ve only so far marked one thing on each of our lists so far, but I think that’s good progress, right?” Baekhyun commented as Minseok looked over their lists, eyes scanning over where Baekhyun crossed out the two numbers on each list with a thin line of purple pen.

“I see.” He placed the lists down on his desk and looked back at the couple, “So you’ve accomplished sleeping in the same bed together. Which leads me on to another topic,”

“When was the last time you’ve been on a date together?”

The question mind-boggled the two for a moment. Truthfully, not including their little dinner at home last night they haven’t been on a date in many months.

“I mean we did have a nice at home dinner last night. But if you’re talking like an actual date where we go out? Then…it’s been a while.” Chanyeol breathlessly chuckled towards the end of his sentence.

“Well, maybe that’s the exact thing you should work on next.” Minseok offered.

Baekhyun’s body tensed a bit at the thought, “Don’t you think it might be too soon?”

“Mm, seeing you’ve decided to go out of order and accomplished sleeping in bed together again, I don’t think it be too hard for you guys to achieve.” Minseok continued, “But if you’re genuinely not ready, then you don’t have to.”

Baekhyun racked his brain around the thought. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to go out on a public, bigger date like they did in the past. Things were different now.

They weren’t the same unlike back then but, he’d be lying if a part of him wasn’t yearning to do something even more date wise with his husband especially after sweet dinner the other night. Baekhyun looked down, fiddling with his fingers in his lap. He was conflicted with his feelings. Whether going blindly into the dark of this idea and just seeing how it goes or completely denying the idea but lose a chance that could probably be the right opportunity for this?

He felt Chanyeol’s doe orbs staring at him for a moment until a sigh surpassed his lips.

“Minseok, I don’t think we’re ready fo- “He started to say until Baekhyun, who finally snapped out his thought process spoke up, cutting him off.

“No. I’ll do it. I think- I think we’re ready for it.”

Despite the outcome of this being 50/50, the other option look like it has about the same outcome for it. He will never know what could have been unless he tries it and that’s exactly what he wants to do. Also, he feels Chanyeol deserves something a little sweet too after the cute stunt he pulled on him for dinner.

“And actually...” Baekhyun looks over at the other whose expression is covered in surprise and confusion,

“I have the perfect idea of where to go.” A small smile spreading across his lips.


End file.
